What's up Special Ed?!?!?!?! We left you guys with some pretty dramatic cliff-hangers back in week 5. We know everybody’s been on the edge of their seats.
Did we like Joker 2? Even ironically??
Are we gonna find any decent BBQ???
What is the official Spirit Animal of DYM????
Unfortunately we still haven’t seen Joker 2 nor had any decent BBQ. Although we did find a Spirit Animal. It was a centipede.
This was very confusing for us as we were unfamiliar with any Jungian Archetypes or mythologies involving centipedes. We went down the whole fuckin internet rabbit hole and found almost nothing. So we asked our friend who led the ceremony and she had never heard of a centipede spirit guide either. But she talked to us about Tarot and Kabbalah for a while and we sorta came to terms with the whole thing.
The next week she held another class that was more of a seminar on the conceptual/spiritual framework around the whole “shamanic” exercise. We went to that shit. Still very open-minded, right? Very fuckin Universalist, Humanist kinda attitude, OK?
But she said one word during that class that triggered the fuck out of us. She said
“This practice is thousands of years old, dating back to Atlantis”
and we were like -- hold up.
These days any mention of “Atlantis” is a big red flag for us since those Ancient Technology weirdos started showing up all over Twitter a few years ago. That Graham Hancock History Channel shit is among the most braindead conspiracy theories out there today. From what we’ve seen, most of the folks that traffic in these theories also fuck with Q and flat earth and lizard people, so it’s a slippery slope apparently.
We were taken aback. When we got into this whole pagan energy healing thing we thought it was just gonna be a good way to meet lesbians!!!
This whole thing was about to go sideways real fast.
We asked a few questions at the end of the class so nobody would know we were freaking out. The lady gave us some vague and uninformative answers and recommended the next step - something called "DNA Activation" which costs a couple hundred bucks and we think involves crystals.
A couple days later we got another text from our friend the shaman. She says Sorry, this weeks class is canceled but if you wanna read more about auras and light-bodies then check this out -
We googled "Laurie Gudnason" which, lucky for us, is a very uncommon name. Right there on the first page of the google results was this 2021 article from Vice entitled: "Inside the Spirituality ‘Cult’ Whose Members Allege Sexual and Financial Exploitation".
Ho. ly. shit. you guys. what the fuck. Did we just join a cult?
As the story goes, Laurie was an "established psychic" in Utah in the 90s when she met this scam artist named Gudni Gudnason and they started a pyramid scheme/new age cult called Modern Mystery School which is still active and thriving to this day.
FWIW, Laurie divorced Gudni about 15 years ago. She's no longer involved in the organization which Gudni now runs along with two other sexual predators/con-men.
The whole thing is wildly scandalous and we highly recommend reading that Vice piece. This story has everything - aliens, magic, martial arts, Icelandic people with weird names, alleged mob ties, and of course lots of sex.
Big picture, this shit is pretty similar to the NXIVM cult that was on HBO a few years ago - like how they break these chicks down psychologically and give em Stockholm Syndrome. Except that Gudni and his boys are supposedly psychics and wizards or whatever so the girls think he's gonna fuck with their brains like Professor X if they try to leave.
Then they have to go and set up their own reiki studios and charge people hundreds of dollars for crystal massages and kick some back up to Gudni.
They're crushing it too!!! Check this out -- google "DNA Activation" (a registered trademark). You get almost a million results, among them are tens of thousands of MMS-affiliated podcasts, clinics, and online snake oil shops slinging this bullshit. Modern Mystery School is easily bigger than Scientology at this point in terms of network and membership size. In a recent interview, the writer from Vice estimated MMS has over 100,000 initiates worldwide making them arguably the most successful cult in the world today.
We actually have some second-hand experience with New Age Sex Cults, so we were pretty disappointed in ourselves for not catching on to these guys quicker.
Back in college we had a girlfriend that was into yoga and George-Harrison-style-Hinduism. In 2002 this Rick Rubin lookin motherfucker called Bhagavan Das came to our school and gave a talk about Eastern Spirituality or whatever and afterward hosted an orgy with some of the most enthusiastic students. Our girl went to that shit, real open-minded attitude, right? -- and she banged Rick Rubin. True story. They even made a movie about him!!! We used to think about that shit a lot and to be honest, deep down, we were just a little bit jealous. We like orgies… Who doesn’t like orgies?!? We’re down with this woo woo shit… sure, we don’t do yoga but we’re mad flexible!!! Presidential Fitness sit-and-reach champion!!! Fuck with us!!! We always thought we’d be a pretty serviceable orgy guy. Above-replacement-level orgy guy for sure.
According to Vice (and Reddit; and some podcasts) the only problem with the Modern Mystery School program is that they make you work your way up into the “inner circle” before you get invited to the orgies.
Reportedly folks are paying over $100,000 and doing some amount of slave labor before they’re fully “initiated”, which is probably gonna be an issue for us. We gotta figure out a way to convince these assholes that our DNA is already activated and we’re down to fuck, so we can skip all that multi-level marketing shit.
Either way, we're with it. We've only dipped our toe in this cult life but results are already hard to deny -- Those OMG Mets, Amari Cooper is a Bill now, we just won three of our last four games in Special Ed and we have the highest scoring team in two other leagues. Its only the halfway point of the season but we're on pace for our most successful fantasy football season in quite some time. We figure if we can win two or three fantasy leagues every year and hit a few prop bets then the cult will pretty much pay for itself.
WE'RE JOINING A CULT!!!!! LETS GOOOO!!!!!!!
FOOD BEEF BBQ
SUSPENDED!!!!!!!!
We're indefinitely suspending Food Beef BBQ. We'd still love to get four or five Daves together to go to Famous Dave's; and there's one place that might be good -- Minuteman Smokehouse in Morristown -- we'll let you guys know how that one goes. But otherwise, we just can't be driving all over NJ every week to eat shitty food. Not worth it.
The good news is we could get that Mac & Cheese Tour going next week.
ITS THE JERSEY CITY MAC AND CHEESE FESTIVAL!!!!! It seems there's been mac and cheese festivals in other towns the last few years but this'll be the first for Jersey City and the first Mac & Cheese Festival to be held during Food Beef Season. Come thru!!! Lets make it a Special Ed meetup!!!!!
For $35 you get a serving of Mac at each of 12 different restaurants and a coupon for the local dispensary (crucial), LETS GOOO!!!!!
BATMAN SHIT!!!!!
We really were thinking about seeing Joker 2 on opening night a few weeks ago. We missed it cause we got too drunk during the Mets game, then the next day we saw the reviews coming in and they were brutal. We're definitely still intrigued tho, so we were hyped when we found out it's gonna be on streaming next week. Its only been in theaters for three weeks!!! HA!!!!! What a piece of shit. Amazing.
Right now Joker 2 is clocking about 30% on rotten tomatoes, which would make it only the 4th worst Batman:
Batman vs Superman is 29% fresh. Gotham Knights crept up over 40% audience score after we gave them the DYM bump, but the critic score is holding steady in the low 20's. The worst Batman is STILL Batman & Robin (1997). B&R was laughably bad back in the day and it's continued to age poorly over the last two decades, currently sitting at 12% fresh.
On the other side of Gotham, The Penguin has been excellent over the last few weeks. And not just like a good Batman show, but maybe a legit, actually good show. The last three episodes have been a whirlwind. Sofia and Penguin did about a dozen murders each. Sofia smoked a ton of cigs and looked hot as fuck. She's the boss of the whole mafia now. Then at the end of Episode 5 Penguin sets up a new secret headquarters IN THE SEWER!!! Lets GOOOO!!!! Give this show all the Emmys.
AMERICAS GAME OF THE WEEK
PUNCH IT OR LUNCH IT vs. I ❤️ Auntie Cynthula
Two of the league's top teams are reloaded for the second half!!!!!!!!!
Before they got ghosted by Sutton and Deebo last week Luca was outrageously hot. They had won five straight and scored over 145 four straight times going into week 7. Fortunately Andy took advantage last week and moved ahead of Luca in the standings. Nobody wants to see the autodraft team run the table.
Week seven was a fluke tho, this team is unlikely to ever catch two goose eggs again, especially with Jonathan Taylor returning this week.
On the other side is Punch it or Lunch it, who have also been on a month-long hot streak AND have a superstar returning to the lineup this week. We’ve won 3 of the last 4 and we’ve scored over 150 three times. This week we welcome back the leagues number one funniest name - PUKA NACUA!!!!!!! We know it’s risky to push a guy into the lineup on a Thursday, but we love Puka. We’re so fuckin amped.
PUNCH IT OR LUNCH IT - 157.10
I ❤️ Auntie Cynthula - 152.34
PUNCH IT OR LUNCH IT WINS!!!!!!!
SPECIAL ED MATCHUPS!!!!!!!!
HAMBURGLARS vs. SUPER BOWL RIPPER
Hamburglars are in a bad spot but they’re a better team than their record shows. They lost a couple close games where they scored a lot, that’s tough. There’s still time tho -- with six teams tied at 4-3 there’s a good chance a 7-7 team could make the playoffs. But we think the burglars are gonna have to wait a week to start their winning streak tho cause SB Rippers are a beast.
SUPER BOWL RIPPER WINS!!!!!!!!!
ERIN ERTZ vs. ALWAYS BE CHIMPIN
Chimpin is toast is Jaden Daniels doesn’t play.
ERIN ERTZ WINS!!!!!!!!
PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM vs. TOBIN & THE RIPPERS
We love Paul's team. That B. Robinson & B. Robinson Jr. combo is the best. Sometimes we like to look at Paul's team and imagine that Bijan is Brian Robinson's son, and now they get to play together like LeBron and Bronny.
PAULS PHENOMENAL TEAM WINS!!!!!!!!
UNCLE RICOS REVENGE vs. GHOST FORKING 👻
The best part of that Modern Mystery School story is the bit about how they prevented the 2012 Apocalypse.
You guys probably remember how the New Age Freaks all thought that the world was gonna end on December 21, 2012 because it was the end of the Mayan Calendar. Well this isn't that. For some reason Gudni and his boys had independently come to the conclusion that the world was gonna end on May 5, 2012. We can't get over the irony of tacitly dismissing the Native American cosmology that they also imitate in their "shamanic ceremonies", and that their apocalypse was gonna be on Cinco de Mayo.
The fellas had learned that all sorts of demons were descending on the Earth and plotting to steal all our souls. Fortunately Gudni gathered a few hundred of the MMS's sexiest Light Warriors to do tai-chi with him and have the biggest orgy ever. And that's why the world didn't end in 2012!!!
Thank you Gudni.
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